i now know what else to turn to

i have spent the last 6 months focusing so hard on eliminating unhealthy coping mechanisms and i think i am getting closer to that. i almost never use my ED anymore, and mucho menos alcohol. that feels really good, actually. wow, halle! fuck, yeah. so right now my coping mechnasims seem to be writing poetry, and today, freestyle journaling. on my list i'd also add exercise, rest/sleep, asking friends for support, and calling my mom. yesterday i told rodrigo that i almost called him, but then i called my mom instead. that felt like a cute little poem.

one of my best friends is struggling right now. she feels scared to be so vulnerable and like she is a burden. but i think the ironic thing is that i feel quite the opposite about her. i feel that her coming to me for support is just strengthening our relationship. i think i no longer have such intense expectations for others. i think i respect them more and am respecting their boundaries better. like miguel ruiz says--nothing is personal. maybe i'll get that tattooed on me. i'm also thinking about tattooing something like "all things go," but anna has that tattoo so maybe something similar.

i spent this morning teaching kids how to play ultimate frisbee, then we went to chicken kingdom and played disc golf in the park. i have to clean the whole house becuase i didn't do it last week. i feel almost unbearably lonely, but not depressed if that makes sense? thank you honguitos for saving me in that respect.

this was a weird post, but alas i'm a weird girl.